allyberg’s blog

a simple life

Not my language-but it affects me March 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — allyberg @ 8:4 7

Blake and I were talking the other night.  He said something hurtful, and I went into shut down mode.  (This is how I have always responded to conflict…I know it’s not healthy, but lets move on.:)) The next morning he said something very profound to me.  He said, “For words of affirmation to not be your love language at all (It’s probably at the bottom of the five), words sure can hurt you.”  They mean very little when positive, but when negative, can crush me.  Why is this?  I do not consider myself a sensitive person.  And I must clarify, really they crush me most when they come out of Blake’s mouth.  So does that move words of affirmation up on the list?  If they can make me feel “unloved”, does that mean I do feel loved when they are spoken kindly as well?  I’d love to know your thoughts.

What are your top two love languages?  And maybe you can help me understand mine!

(In case you have never read The Five Love Languages, they are acts of service, quality time, physical touch, giving and receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.)


9 Responses to “Not my language-but it affects me”

  1. mine have always been quality time and touch. i think the words hurt most from someone you love with such closeness…. you’re looking for a different connect than negative words give.

    and just for the record… you’re my most un-sensitive friend! 🙂

    • allyberg Says:

      i definitely agree that because Blake knows me better than anyone, his words will cut deeper than others! And thanks for the “un-sensitive friend” compliment! 🙂

  2. Jason Says:

    I think we all have the five languages hit us at different times even if it’s not our “strong” language. I’m like you in that positive word for me have little impact most times but negative swamped me…but in the last month or so that coin flipped.

    If I had to pick two, I’d say acts of service & words of affirmation would be the biggest. Although I really like giving gifts to people.

  3. Jenny Surratt Says:

    My love language is definitely acts of service. Like when I get to make dinner for great friends:)

    • allyberg Says:

      And a great dinner you made! In fact…I think I might have my leftovers for breakfast!!!:) (Thanks again for having us over)

  4. angie smith Says:

    im wondering if blake’s comment had anything to do with the last time you POSTED here?!?!?! girl, we’ve been through like four holidays since then. and i know, because ive gotten pictures of elias for all of them.

    my love languages change when im pregnant, i think. right now they are acts of service (please do the laundry) and acts of service (i need a swiss cake roll even though its 2am and we don’t have any at the house).


    love you much,

    • allyberg Says:

      your Elias comment cracked me up! Ummm…and if your love language is acts of service when your prego, what are they when your not!!! ps…which one of the girls went and got you swiss cakes while Todd was out of town? 🙂

  5. Jenni Catron Says:

    I think I’m just needy because I think I have all of the love languages 🙂

    At work, words of affirmation is huge for me.
    At home, gifts and acts of service are a bigger deal.

    I wonder if words of affirmation are a bigger deal for you with Blake but not necessarily with others?

    • allyberg Says:

      That’s awesome that you have a pretty good idea of your love languages in different settings! I would agree that words are a bigger deal with Blake than others, but mostly when they are negative, not positive! Weird…i know! 🙂

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