allyberg’s blog

a simple life

Expecting… November 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — allyberg @ 8:4 7

hands holdingHello blogging world…I am back from my blogging sabbatical!  After writing 5 blog posts, one needs to take a 7 month break…in case you didn’t know that!

I know what many of you who know me might be thinking…is she pregnant?  It says she’s expecting…they have four…does she not know how that happens?  🙂  In every sense of the word…NO!!!  NO WAY!  NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!!  We are “finito” when it comes to having children!  (I feel like I should say “Lord willing” after that statement for some reason!)  Anyhow…nobody in this household is expecting a baby!

There is some expecting going on around here though.  And I would venture to say there is expecting happening in your life too. I have recently been reawakened to the fact that I have too many expectations, of myself, my children, my husband, my family, my friends.  I happened upon this quote yesterday, and it has been echoing in my heart.

“Whatever men expect, they soon come to think they have a right to.  The sense of disappointment can, with very little skill on our part, be turned into a sense of injury.” -C.S. Lewis

I recently had a conversation with my man about trying not to have any expectations of people.  I realized that when I have unspoken expectations, I tend to find myself disappointed.  But after reading this quote, I realize I actually find myself “hurt”.  So, I am taking on a challenge to myself.  When I realize I am disappointed in a situation or in a person, I am going to put perspective on the disappointment by trying to drop the expectation and realize I created the disappointment by expecting in the first place.  We’ll see how it goes!  The truth is the only person I can have expectations of, and not be disappointed,  is God.  In the Psalms (5:3), David talks about his faith in God.  Because of that faith, he CAN expect.

“In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;  in the morning I lay my prayers before you and wait in expectation.”

I can trust God.  People and circumstances may disappoint, even hurt me due to my expectations, but if I can trust God’s best, then I can have an expectation of Him to hear my heart and not fail me.  What can I expect from Him?  Faithfulness. Period. His best may not be what I foresaw, but it is BEST!

So my question for you, do you struggle with unnecessary expectations?

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25 Responses to “Expecting…”

  1. Great post Ally and yes you are not alone. I have a problem all the time of getting something pictured a certain way in my head and then when it does not happen disappointment ensues. For me this is one of the hardest things I have had to overcome and continue to work through. Thanks for your honesty and for reminding me that the only expectations that I can truly trust in are the expectations of the Lord himself. I love and miss you guys. Hope you are doing beyond well today.

  2. Blake Porter Says:

    Brilliantly spoken! WELL DONE……

  3. Jenny Surratt Says:

    Great reminder that it is our expectations usually and not the other person’s fault. I deal with that. I try to remind myself and my kids that we have no idea why people do what they do. They probably have circumstances that are completely unknown to us. Love “believes the best”. Love ya!

  4. Steve Poston Says:

    Caught your post thanks to Blake’s facebook … Good stuff … Can’t go wrong with C.S. Lewis… I just wanted to say that I think there is a balance … I believe it’s true that we sometimes expect too much of others and that we’re quick to elevate disappointment into injury … and that is something we can and should correct …

    However, I don’t think that means we drop our expectations of others … we need to have expectations to call others to their potential … But we need to model Christ-likeness in our expectations … Just as He has expectations of us that serve as a target at which we shoot, so we have expectations of others that call to the best in them and their journey toward Christ-likeness… AND as He responds to our failure to meet His expectations, so we should respond to those who fail to meet ours … Instead of claiming injury, he was willing to be injured to absorb the consequences of our failure… He took extreme measures to cover over our offense … So instead of claiming injury, we should work for others to see how we can minimize the impact of their failures in meeting expectation… With the intent that it allows them the opportunity to strive again to meet the expectations of who they can be in Christ…

  5. Amber Says:

    Hey Ally, Great Post. I was wondering about the sabbatical. 🙂 I SOOOO struggle with expectations and appreciate the quote, b/c if I am being honest—I do get that “I have a right to expect this” attitude. I have over the last year struggled with this exact thing and the holidays…..It is for this reason that I am changing some of my holiday plans & therefore eliminating some of my relational expectations. I would go so far as to say if you can’t immediately take on Ally’s challenge and know you will be disappointed, don’t put yourself in the situation to get disappointed. I am going to practice this on a small level and then walk in with a different expectation: the expectation that I am not going to let expectations get me down.

  6. Anita Ryan Says:

    This is so true! Before the Faith Hope and Love study we where going through a book about prayer and who God is in our small group. One of the things that struck me most was about expectations. We put so many unspoken expectations on people and they don’t even realize it until it is too late. It is unfair! One of the things that really got me in the book was that God doesn’t need/expect anything from us so therefore he can not be disappointed in us.Think about that one for awhile. He already has all he needs and he already knows what we will choose and he loves us anyway.I believe we should be obedient to his will out of love but isn’t it great to know we can’t disappoint him! So if the God of the universe doesn’t get disappointed in us, we should be ever so generous with others when we have put unfair expectations on them. Great Post!

  7. Hey babe…I love that I get to watch you live this out. I am sorry for the times that I have done this to you. I think it is always easier to have unrealistic expectations on the people that are the closest to us…and there is nobody even close to as close as you are to me.

    I love you with all that I am.

    Blake

  8. Katy Maki Says:

    This I find so true, especially those who are near and dear to us. But do we have to remember, peole are only human and they will ALWAYS let us down. I have struggled with this same thing this past year, and I was hurt alot. Im trying to learn not to do this! Thank you for the good remember and blog post!

  9. Terry Waller Says:

    Awesome reminder Ally. It is a simple truth that we so often miss and when we do it sometimes takes awhile for us to realize it. Reflecting upon each day one moment at a time. May His peace be your mantle and His joy made complete in every life you touch.

  10. Julianne Brimner Says:

    Well Ally, you know me well enough to know that I have struggled with those expectations. But slowly I am relearning that only my God can fulfill any expectations….and I have learned to lean on His promises in His word instead of trying to make God fit into my expectations. His ways are always better than mine. (Do have to say that I was hoping you really were “expecting”….a Bergstrom boy sure would be cute…You know my “unexpected gift” came at 39.)

  11. Dawn Says:

    Well said Ally! Something we all need to be reminded of from time to time.

  12. richard Says:

    awesome reminder Ally, that is a sign of a classical education (JBC). Thank you for that reminder. God is in control.

  13. Trish Says:

    Gosh I love you!!!

  14. i’m in total agreement… just this week i found myself silently chanting to myself “people will always disappoint, God will never disappoint.”

    thanks for the reminder!

    i’ll be back in 7 months! 🙂

  15. Susie A. Says:

    Ally,
    Great post! I have to remind myself as well about having “unhealthy” expectations of others. I have caught myself many times with expectations of others….and being disappointed and hurt many times because I have projected my own expectations on others. I am learning on how to NOT have “unhealthy” expectations from others….it’s a slow process, but each day provides me a new opportunity.

    Be Blessed!!

    Susie A.

  16. Kristin Says:

    Hi Ally: well said….God spoke directly to my heart at a staff desert day about this very topic~! All of my expectations I have of myself, others, etc. Blake may remember…anyhow he gave me a new word….I had to fall asleep to hear it. Anticipate. With God we can expect good things, or anticipate! There is much more to how He revealed this to me, it was a very memorable moment in my life, and God has yet to disappoint me when I anticipate from Him. thanks for sharing!

  17. Jason Says:

    EXCELLENT post. You should post more than once every seven months. 🙂

  18. Bernadette Says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this!

    After years of disappointments, I lowered my expectations until I had very few (even of myself) which can be as bad as having too many! Then Jesus gave me a hand up out of the mess I was in.

    I find that for myself, the expectations I have often lead to disappointment because 1) I have not communicated them to the other party or 2) I tend to idealize every situation to my advantage.
    People aren’t trying to purposely disappoint me; they’re only human, just like me.

    I’m learning to take things for what they are, not for what I perceive them to be, and trying to make the best of each situation. Also trying not to disappoint others, by being more attentive to what they are trying to communicate.

  19. Judy Kelley Says:

    I do struggle but I think the thing I struggle with the most is my self. I always expect so much out of my self. That I don’t leave to much time to worry about others too much. I think I expect a lot of out my family my husband who is wonderful is willing to go to the ends of the earth for me and sometimes my expectations are too high and it isn’t enough. My toddlers I think I expect too much but being a mommy I learn new lesson just about every day that expectations of my children can’t happen because they are so young that would be so wrong of me. The friends I did have in my past I did expect a lot of that is why now I don’t get to close because I always got hurt in the end of being the too nice one.

  20. Judy K. Says:

    My friend told me about this blog. I love it. I really can relate to this in life. I expect too much and most of the time let down by the people I expected a lot out of like my family and my friends. I try not to expect much from anyone any more because I do 50% of the time I’m the one hurt or upset over the expectations.

  21. mommycub Says:

    First off, I got teary eyed that you quoted C.S. Lewis. 😉 Secondly… Land YES I have unnecessary expectations that I constantly through on myself and my family mostly. I’ve realized that I tend to give way more grace to those outside of my family. I think it’s because I look at them like I look at myself, and put all the pressure I put on myself, on to them. God gave me that awareness quite a while ago, but it is still a daily fight to remember to “let it go”.

    Oh, this will probably be my one comment for a while as I seem to comment on blogs, and then take a 7 month break. 😀 Hee, hee.

  22. Joyce Milliser Says:

    Ally: for years this was one of my biggest struggles. I was always hurt by someone. They didn’t know it or they didn’t understand why. Expectations are hard to explain to the offender because it is from our view point and our perspective. I found a refrigerator magnet and kept in my sight that said “if there are no expectations, there will be no disappointments.” It was a constant reminder to me that my hurt/disappointments came from ME not others. God has helped me to understand that part of me. Now, I never get hurt by others…frustrated and sadden at times, but I have quit expecting others to march by the beat of my drum. Life is much better and more peaceful.


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